Let me start by stating, I am NOT referring to the parent child relationship. From a parent stand point, the parent/child relationship is the closest I’ve ever come to experiencing unconditional love. Also the closest I’ve ever come to going bald from pulling my hair out. It defies all logic, reason and understanding and it’s the most rewarding and the hardest relationship I experienced (at times). But so worth it!!
So ultimately, my subject for this writing is the love relationship between two people that involve all the romance, sparks flying and the “I don’t know how I lived life without you” type of relationship.
Initially, the thoughts started with looking at the obvious… Love. What if love is the foundation of a relationship? Just the thought made me want to sing a hippie song and wave my arms. Just kidding. Love is the ultimate goal of life. Isn’t it? Isn’t love what all the great teachers have been instructing on? Isn’t the whole purpose of our existence to experience and learn about love? For myself, I say Yes to all the questions above. But as I thought about love throughout the day I couldn’t figure out how love can be a foundation to a relationship.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not minimizing love or the importance of it in our daily walk. I understand that “Love” (as a verb. Another words, the action of love) was the ultimate lesson Jesus came to teach. But I still couldn’t see how it would be possible to build a solid, long term relationship based solely on love. Or even with love as the bedrock. So I concluded that I disagree that a relationship could be based surrounded by first and foremost “love” and not crumble.
I guess there is the argument that as long as there is love everything else comes together, but I’m too much of a logical thinker to comprehend that.
So… If love isn’t the foundation, what is, you may ask. And I would start by stating that is a very good question! After much pondering and quiet time (“quite time” for me is another way of saying prayer and meditation), I came up with three words I could imagine being the bedrock of a solid foundation for love to harness and grow.
I’m not saying these are the only three characteristics, but they do seem to do a pretty good job covering a large portion of what I understand a healthy relationship to have. Without any one of these elements can love flourish and grow? I don’t think so.
So it stands to reason that building a relationship around Trust, Respect & Commitment, love would naturally flourish and grow within that relationship? Conversely, if there are issues within the relationship, identifying the weakness in one of these three building blocks would identify the root of the problem. Wouldn’t a cool exercise be to have a conversation asking each other the following?
Do you believe you’re trustworthy? Do you believe you’re respectful? Do you believe you’re committed to this relationship?
Both parties get an opportunity to respond to the above three questions. To continue the conversation, these next three questions would tie everything together…
Do you believe I’m trustworthy? Are you respected by me? Do you believe that I am committed to this relationship?
Think about having the conversation both ways and being willing to answer honestly and receive the responses with any open heart and mind. The absolute worst case scenario is that couples find weaknesses in the foundation of their relationship. Working together to repair the cracks can be a way of mending past hurts and building love between the couple in making the required repairs…
Ultimately leading to experiencing greater love within the relationship!
Namaste & God Bless,