Seems like I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to understand what people pleasing is and even more so, why I seem to automatically choose to spend so much of my life living to please other people outside myself.
Today, I say ENOUGH!
Enough feeling like I have to trudge through situations or events or relationships with the only reason I’m doing so is to follow someone else’s wishes for me, my time and my life. If we don’t take a stand & stake in our own path on this earth, someone else will!!
I have identified a couple things I feel like sharing.
1- I’ve come to find people pleasing isn’t some badge of honor, where I’m sacrificing myself for the good of others. We people please out of selfishness. That’s right, selfishness.
We people please in order to gain the love, attention or whatever it is we are seeking from a certain person. Probably because we don’t believe we could receive these things elsewhere. Ultimately, its things we should be giving ourselves. This brings me to my second point.
2- The other main reason we people please (in my opinion, as a long time pleaser) is because if other people are leading our lives, we don’t have to put the effort in, or work through the fear of choosing for ourselves. It allows us the privilege of complaining and having someone else to blame. We get to walk through our lives as victims. If you’ve read anything I’ve written in the past, you understand my thoughts on the “victim role”.
So, I have a couple questions that I’ve been experimenting with that may help someone else who might find themselves in a similar people pleasing loop and want to say STOP!
First, whenever someone asks me to do something, go somewhere or anything of this nature, I’m making a habit of stating
“I’ll have to get back with you in that”.
I follow that up with what I’ll call an internal question.
“Is this something I would enjoy or will help fill me spiritually, or is it something I’m going to trudge through, trying to get the the other side”.
I am finding the choices I’m making are adding so much more enjoyment & fullness, regardless of the activity or the cause. It even works for the time I volunteer. It just means something different and has deeper meaning when it fits on my insides as well as the outside.
One caveat… there will always be those exceptions that I’m asked to assist with something I’m not crazy about, but even those I’m finding to be more pleasurable when I have a say in the larger portion of my life.
I trust this will reach where it needs to.