Although it’s been a while since I last posted, the lessons just keep on a comin’…
Just recently, another layer of the onion that is me has been peeling. It came about from the role of people pleasing. This has been something I’ve struggled with even before I knew the words or their meaning. I spend a large portion of my life doing things for others or helping others, not because of a choice towards charity, but because I felt like I had to do so.
As I grew older and started to realize the depth of lack offulfillment my life had become (and many payments to counselors), I started to see how much of my life I gave away in order to feel accepted by someone. One of the best lessons I received in understanding this happened a little over a year ago…
I was seeing a counselor, ultimately in the attempt to make a negative relationship good. It failed, as it should have, but I kept going individually to see this counselor and gained more in that few months than I had all the other counselors I’ve seen combined. Anyways, back to the story…
As I sat in her office one afternoon, she complimented me on my watch. I thanked her, but she went on for another minute or so about how nice it was. She asked me to hand it to her. Without thinking, I unbuckled the clasp and handed it to her. She laughed. I looked confused.
She explained to me that the watch symbolized my life and she symbolized the kind of women I attract into my life. They ask for areas of my life and I immediately hand it over to them. I’ve lived my life in this manner enough to cripple my understanding to differentiate between what is healthy vs unhealthy for ME.
This event lit a bulb within me. Anytime I saw Amy after that, she would somehow through the conversation ask for my watch, wallet or something and I would say no. Initially, realizing the game I was abrupt in my response (which was growth for me, making the switch from being suicidal to homicidal) and eventually being able to say no in as kind a manner as possible.
Just having this understanding has helped me immensely to recognize within myself when I’m playing a role to please someone else and when I’m living healthy. I can offer to help and feel good about it. I never knew that aspect of helping someone else existed.
Another benefit, or gift of all this is that it seems the more I practice healthy “Yes’s” & “No’s”, the fewer people are popping up in my life who need the kind of person who people pleases. My healthy relationships are growing and the unhealthy ones and getting right sized (as they say in the business world)!
All I have to do is decide if I’m willing to give my watch away 🙂
As I write this, I’m realizing how much I miss spending this time opening my heart to share! I hope someone gets something out of this writing and if God willing, shares back!