Today I’m continuing to learn about forgiveness… All day it felt like my soul was jumping for joy, saying to me “Thank you for honoring me by being willing to seek and grow in this crucial area of my unfolding”.
Webster Dictionary states the following about the word forgive; To grant pardon for or remission of. To remit. To grant pardon to. To cease to feel resentment against, to forgive one’s enemies.
After writing last night I fell into a deep sleep, which is typical after opening and emptying my soul on paper to what it has to say. I woke up in the morning full of questions. Questions like; if I own my creatorship, which I understand is taking 100% responsibility for every aspect of my life, then where does forgiveness fit into the equation?
I thought of an example where something of a sizable nature was taken from me. It caused me a lot of pain and anger. I’ve been carrying this resentment of this for a long time. There has been a lot of growth in regards to this matter. I’ve experienced emotions which have ranged from raging hatred to unsettled emotions, which I thought was forgiveness. If I choose to look at the matter in the view of me having to allow forgiveness in order to move on, isn’t that the same thing as me playing the victum role? Isn’t that the same mentality as saying ‘someone did something to me that I didn’t want them to do? Or, it’s like saying, ”people outside me have control over me”, and the events of my life that involve me? Right now it seems that any type of forgiveness is tied to being a victum. Another question I can’t seem to answer is, wouldn’t’ owning my creatorship show me that I manifested or created the situation in order for me to reveal to myself some aspect of who I really am? My God Self.
It seems to me that choosing the victum role would ultimately be my choice to NOT see who I am and Who’s I am. The choice to be a victum will continue to being about events that I label as painful, until I ask myself, “Why am I experiencing this over and over again in my life?” “What is this showing me about myself?” So the only benefit I receive from being a victum is the pain to motivate me to develop. Another words, the only benefit in being a victum is hopefully it causes me enough discomfort to build the necessary drive within me to know myself better. The Bible states “God helps those who help themselves. These words fit perfectly into my interpretation. If I’m a victum, there aren’t any actions I can take against outside attacks. BUT if I own my life and everything in it, I can see how my toughest times are necessary and by applying the new knowledge my life is lifted to a higher plateau. I think this is what Panache means when he says “We are perfect exactly as we are”.
Now for the other side… what I believe to be my revelation. Owning my creatorship means that every event, every situation and every relationship I have ever been involved with was manifested by me. If this is the case, forgiveness would not fit into the situation. It would not have a place in anything I’ve been through because it was never something “someone did to me’. It was all me all along. Even as I re-read this I have an internal battle going on between what my mind is telling me, vs what my heart/soul is feeling.
My head is telling me “BULL-SHIT. I’ve been hurt and I get to own this pain! I have full rights to it forever and no one can take that away from me. I’ve been hurt and I will make damn sure it never happens again! By ANYONE!”. My soul on the other hand is clapping and saying “I’ve made it! I’ve arrived on the next floor of my awakening. I now know I can trust myself fully so I no longer have a need to repeat lessons”. What a peaceful, exhilarating feeling.
I am so looking forward to more being revealed and to receiving your thoughts & comments.